The Elusive Gay Man / Straight Man Friendship

I’ve always had a lot of friends in my life, and I don’t consider someone’s sexuality to be the most important thing about that person. We do tend to gravitate toward other human beings for various reasons, and of course, sexuality and attraction play a part in that. It tends to be easy for gay men and straight women to be friends with each other and to form a natural connection. Is it because we’re both attracted to men? Is it because we can display feminine traits and appreciate that about each other? What seems to be less common is a strong friendship forged between a gay man and a straight man. I have quite a few straight, male friends in my life, but generally my closest friends are other gay men.

Recently I got to know a few of my partner Bernie’s coworkers a lot better while we were all on a company trip together. It was so much fun hanging out with them, and I didn’t feel shy about being gay or feel like I had to act a certain way to fit in with these guys. They are completely comfortable being around gay men. A lot of gay boys grow up feeling so different from other boys and being cautious about expressing their true selves. They worry about being teased or being seen as less masculine because of their sexuality. With my straight male friends, most of the time our differing sexuality is not an issue at all, and at other times, they express an interest in learning my perspectives. They don’t treat me in any kind of inferior way, and we even teasingly flirt with each other for fun. I never get the impression that they’re mocking me in any way. Thankfully our culture is getting more tolerant, despite many conservative lawmakers…but that’s a whole other topic!

Multitas... (sorry, had to answer the phone) ...king

Remember when multitasking used to mean listening to the radio while you did your homework? These days, people are multitasking all the time. First of all, we’re either talking or texting on our cell phones while doing just about everything else. At the office, you might listen to your iPod while working, sending emails, chatting with colleagues, and munching on a snack. On top of that, you probably have several documents, workspaces, webpages, etc. open on your computer at the same time. I’ve found that I’m developing a shorter and shorter attention span as I get older, simply because it doesn’t occur to me to focus on one task at a time anymore. There’s just so much to do and hardly enough time in the day to do it all!! Fortunately I usually do fairly well working on multiple jobs at the same time and somehow manage to complete them all without losing anything important in the shuffle. But sometimes I wonder why we feel the need to go charging through life with so many irons in the fire at the same time. Even when I’m reading a magazine or a newspaper for enjoyment, I have this habit where I read a couple of sentences into a particular paragraph, and then skip to the next paragraph like I’m skimming for the most important highlights. I recently discovered this idiosyncrasy, and now I’m noticing that I do it quite often, and I’m really not sure why. It makes me wonder if other people do the same thing. My favorite activities are simple times like when I’m on a bike ride, playing volleyball with friends, having a great conversation with friends over a lingering dinner and a bottle of wine, or hugging an appreciative cat or dog. It’s nice to de-clutter your mind once in a while and just focus on one thing at a time.