I’ve always had a lot of friends in my life, and I don’t consider someone’s sexuality to be the most important thing about that person. We do tend to gravitate toward other human beings for various reasons, and of course, sexuality and attraction play a part in that. It tends to be easy for gay men and straight women to be friends with each other and to form a natural connection. Is it because we’re both attracted to men? Is it because we can display feminine traits and appreciate that about each other? What seems to be less common is a strong friendship forged between a gay man and a straight man. I have quite a few straight, male friends in my life, but generally my closest friends are other gay men.
Recently I got to know a few of my partner Bernie’s coworkers a lot better while we were all on a company trip together. It was so much fun hanging out with them, and I didn’t feel shy about being gay or feel like I had to act a certain way to fit in with these guys. They are completely comfortable being around gay men. A lot of gay boys grow up feeling so different from other boys and being cautious about expressing their true selves. They worry about being teased or being seen as less masculine because of their sexuality. With my straight male friends, most of the time our differing sexuality is not an issue at all, and at other times, they express an interest in learning my perspectives. They don’t treat me in any kind of inferior way, and we even teasingly flirt with each other for fun. I never get the impression that they’re mocking me in any way. Thankfully our culture is getting more tolerant, despite many conservative lawmakers…but that’s a whole other topic!
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I was so interested in reading your perspective on this and you bring up a topic that I don't think is very often explored. So many times, it's the gay man-straight woman friendship that's highlighted in film and other media--I can only think of a few storylines where they gay man-straight man friendship was a main focus. (The Kiss of the Spiderwoman with R. Julia and W. Hurt was the first one that came to mind.)
Do you think it takes longer for straight men to feel comfortable or somehow less threatened about gay men than it does for straight women around lesbians? (Possible topic for another post?? :-)
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