There's Nothing Wrong with Being Single

I think it’s refreshing when you meet a person who is not in a partnered relationship and is truly happy to be single. There tends to be an assumption in our culture that everyone wants to find their true love or soul mate or spouse or whatever label you want to call it. Some people have a difficult time finding that “perfect” match, and I’m sure it’s frustrating for someone who is put in the position of having to justify being single or put up with the words of pity from friends and family members who assume that the individual is unhappy. For some people, it takes many years to find and establish a good, healthy relationship with a partner. Often when people leave a marriage or relationship, they need time to adjust to a new phase in life. We shouldn’t assume that these folks want or need a significant other right away…or even at all. I applaud strong, independent people who have a healthy self image and are content and complete on their own.

Traditions

People like the comfort of having good, reliable traditions in their lives. This is especially evident around holidays. A lot of families have their regular routines where they prepare the same food and serve a big holiday meal at approximately the same time of day on a given holiday. I’ve noticed that people rarely go very far from these routines. Some people feel uncomfortable when finding out that a favorite food will be absent from the meal or that gifts will be opened on a different day. A whole family might be hurt or offended if one of the members announces that she is not going to be joining the group for an annual ritual. On one hand, people are very content having consistent patterns on which to depend. On the other hand, why do we fear trying something different from the usual customs? If it’s just for one year and then back to the common tradition, what’s the harm? Certainly there are many individuals and families who do not adhere to their customs as strictly as I’m describing. Why not toss some variety into the foods served at the traditional meal? Perhaps even try decorating the house differently or invent a new family tradition and see what people think of it? There are no set rules saying that a holiday, wedding, reunion, etc. has to contain particular elements to be correct. There are endless ways to celebrate a gathering of friends and family. I hope you enjoy your traditions!

To Do Lists

1. They never seem to go away
2. They always have some tasks that linger much too long
3. Sometimes we write something on it that we’ve already completed so we can cross it off
4. They stare us in the face daring us to finish everything
5. If things are not added to a list, we’re likely to forget to do them
6. Sometimes we have several different lists going concurrently
7. Some people refuse to keep lists because they don’t want to be tied to them
8. Some people lose their lists…purposely
9. What would happen if we actually finished all of our lists completely???

News Creates News

I’m starting to miss the good ol’ days when we weren’t bombarded with news stories about every single thing that happens every single day. We are able to receive up-to-the minute news on the internet and on TV, and I don’t think it always serves us well. The financial crisis in the United States is really bad right now, and in my opinion, it’s just made worse by the constant updates about it. When the initial “Bailout Plan” failed in congress, the stock market immediately took a huge dive as a result. Maybe there would have been a different outcome if we hadn’t been told what happened in congress…It’s hard to say. Americans are getting more depressed and worried about savings accounts and housing foreclosures, and perhaps there would be less worry and panic if we weren’t constantly exposed to all of the news about the financial state of the country. Hearing statistics about the number of foreclosures in California makes me worry about my own home. Then I remind myself that my home and mortgage really aren’t directly affected by those foreclosures. It just feels that way when there’s so much information thrown at us. We’ve fooled ourselves into believing that we need to know everything that’s happening on every corner of the earth, but how much of it truly is useful and necessary information? Especially everything we hear and read about each teeny tiny detail in celebrities’ lives! But that’s a whole other story.

Sports Fanatics

As I write some of the topics on my blog, I’m noticing how often my preferences and my lifestyle are so different from the way many other people live their lives. I hope that readers won’t interpret my observations as judgments or criticisms of other people. I admit, it’s a fine line as I try to be objective and simply ponder the questions of “why?”, “how?”, and the “isn’t that interesting?” parts of life. Anyway, on the topic of sports fans and the often over-the-top obsessions of fans, I know I’m way off to the side observing the proceedings with wonder. On game days, people go through so many of the same routines – dressing in the appointed team colors, starting the drinking and bratwurst eating around 7 or 8 am, and for a lot of fans, it’s important to be drunk before the kickoff. Many years ago, watching sports was primarily the domain of men, but these days, there are lots of women who get equally jazzed to tailgate, watch the game, and get swept up in the fervor. Football is probably the most popular spectator sport among Americans, but is barely followed in other cultures. Wouldn’t it be great if a majority of the spectators would spend the same amount of their time participating in sporting events in addition to watching them? We’d have a much healthier society.

Blockbuster Movies

As a general rule, I don’t rush out and see the highly-anticipated movies the first weekend they’re released. Far too often over the years, I’ve found that the more a movie is hyped, the less impressed I am with it when I finally see it. There are some “blockbuster” movies that I’ve enjoyed a lot, but I prefer to see the independent movies that have a small budget and don’t necessarily have famous actors. What makes any movie great is an original story, fantastic writing, and top-notch acting. A huge budget and mind-blowing special effects don't necessarily make a movie into a classic. Isn’t it curious that most of the movies that we hear about these days are either sequels to popular movies, or remakes of older movies, or remakes of stage musicals… Not that they can’t end up being wonderful, entertaining movies, but why do so many producers and directors take the easy route? Take more chances on unknown script writers and actors. Give us more original ideas. Give intelligent viewers a reason to really get excited about seeing new films!

Overcrowding

Our world is shrinking. Well, I suppose it isn’t physically shrinking, but it sure feels that way sometimes. There are more and more cars sharing the same roads, city planners are cramming new buildings into cities all the time, and the cities themselves are sprawling further outside of their borders. One place in particular that I’ve really noticed the overcrowding is at my office building. They recently reconstructed the cubicles in my area so they could squeeze more cubicles into the same space. They continually put shelves and filing cabinets and photocopiers in places that used to be walkways. There are days when I need to walk to the other end of our building for classes or meetings, and the hallways have become painfully narrow! Two people can not comfortably walk side-by-side and have a conversation. That’s the case in a lot of offices these days, and as we know, our world’s population is not about to plateau anytime soon. Enjoy the valuable wide open spaces and wilderness areas that we still have left in this bulging world. I hope they’ll be around for a long, long time!

Running Late

We’ve become such a society where we over-pack our schedules and we’re busy busy busy all the time. We sleep less hours than we used to, we eat our meals faster, and most of us would love to work less hours so that we can get on to the rest of our plans for the evening. J I witnessed something completely ridiculous this morning as I was pulling out of my driveway to go to work; there were three different people running to catch the bus at the end of the block. Perhaps they all slept late? Maybe they’re squeezing in a little jog for exercise on the way to work? I just found it so amusing. My pattern is to plan too many fun activities in the evenings and weekends to the point that I often have to rush to move from one to the next. Things get piled on top of each other, and that pesky matter of transportation between events just gets in the way! I consider myself a very punctual person, so I don’t like to be late for anything. It’s especially challenging during the summer when we have such a limited amount of good, warm, sunny days to cram in all the fun before winter comes crashing in again. I’m still waiting for someone to find a way to invent that one extra day each week that we’re all craving. Then we’d have oodles of free time and we could slow down the pace, right?

Why Do People Watch Reality TV?

I
just
don't
get
it.

A Peek at How the Other Half Lives

In Michigan last weekend, we tagged along with two good friends to three different parties at their friends’ homes. We were in awe of the large, gorgeous SUMMER homes of these folks, the many expensive cars parked in the driveways, and the guests’ variety of clothing and jewelry with brand names such as Cartier, Prada, and Dolce & Gabbana. And although there were a few pretentious ones in the bunch, I was pleased to meet quite a few nice, down-to-earth people. In addition, the hosts of each party were all very kind and generous. Granted, we were only seeing everyone in “party mode” and were not getting a feel for their daily life or work personas or anything beyond just casual conversations. I’m sure there were some catty conversations during and after each party criticizing various guests who weren’t wearing the right clothing or driving the right car. I might add that we saw evidence of a fair amount of hair-dying, botox, and plastic surgery amongst the guests – I’m not judging; just observing. I suppose some of the individuals work grueling hours every week or are in debt up to their eyeballs, and I can’t help wondering if they’re genuinely happy with all of their wealth and baubles. Our society tends to strive for a very comfortable lifestyle, always reaching for more money, status, recognition, and power. And regardless of one’s lot in life, often we just keep wanting more. How many people do you suppose would honestly say that they are satisfied with how much they have and are happy with where they are in life at exactly this moment? I’m sure glad that I find contentment driving a Honda Civic, wearing sunglasses purchased from Target, being at a job where I rarely have to work more than 40 hours per week, and growing vegetables in my little garden. Sure, it would be great to have piles and piles of money, but that doesn’t make life carefree and easy.

Please Don't Hate the Bikers

I was reading an article the other day about a local biker who was ticketed for running a stop sign. Interestingly, they didn’t state whether she was on a bicycle or a motorcycle…they only referred to her as a “cyclist”. People assumed they meant “bicyclist” so a bunch of folks piped in with comments about the article. Apparently, there are a lot of drivers who are not very happy to share the roads with bicyclists. I was a little surprised at how they take such a strong us-against-them attitude. Drivers get bent out of shape when they see bikers run stop signs, and some are under the impression that we bikers don’t pay taxes to maintain the roads…although most bikers also own and drive cars, so that argument doesn’t hold much water. Bikers need to be very cautious on busy streets and at intersections, because there are always drivers who don’t watch carefully for bikers. In a bike vs. car collision, you know who’s at a distinct disadvantage, and unfortunately, there are probably a fair amount of drivers who don’t have a whole lot of sympathy for the bikers. In their opinion, we’re taking up valuable space on “their street”. Maybe with the surge in gas prices this year causing a larger number of people to use bicycles for transportation, we’ll start to get a little more sympathy from drivers…but I’ll still be cautious just to be on the safe side!

Doesn't anybody cook anymore?

We’ve become such a society of convenience when it comes to cooking and eating. People have busy lives, so we look for fast, good food (and sometimes good fast food). Most people enjoy eating at restaurants because it allows them to sit back and enjoy a meal while other people do all of the prep work, cooking, and clean-up. We have our favorite restaurants where we know we’ll get a consistently good meal, and perhaps dine on food that we don’t know how to prepare at home. You can also go to grocery stores and delis to shop for food that’s quick, easy, ready-made, etc. There are so many advantages to all of that, yet I can’t help wondering why cooking has taken such a back seat to other hobbies and activities in our daily life. Those of us who like to cook can list many reasons why we enjoy it – it’s a creative endeavor, it can be a way to save money or eat healthier, it allows us to eat in the comfort of our own home, there’s joy and satisfaction in preparing a meal for oneself or family and friends, and the list goes on. I feel sorry for those who say that they don’t know how to cook or assume that it has to be a big chore even to prepare one dish to take to a potluck. Cooks usually have some favorite dishes that they know they can whip together with either very few ingredients or in a short amount of time. And here are two “secrets” that I embraced a long time ago. First, cooking is sometimes just a matter of assembling ingredients...Making chili can be as simple as chopping a few vegetables, opening several cans, pouring it all into a crock pot, and turning the knob. :) And the other secret to keep in mind is that it’s perfectly acceptable to change ingredients in a recipe to suit your own tastes: take out what you don’t like, add new ingredients, change amounts, be creative, and have fun!

Fussing over Babies

I’ve always found it interesting that women tend to gush over babies, while most men I know don’t appear terribly interested in other people’s babies, even if they adore children. I’m sure there’s some innate baby-yearning in women that I’ll never understand. And obviously, not every woman in the world loves children, wants to have her own children, or gives a rat’s behind about other people’s children. But still…anytime a woman brings her new baby to the workplace for show-and-tell, you can be sure that a group of women will swarm around, coo at the baby, ask how much the baby weighed and how long she was at birth, and ask about the crib and stroller and feedings and all manner of other new mom questions. Not that there’s anything wrong with that…it’s just an interesting phenomenon. I enjoy babies and children myself, but I just don’t get all that excited about being around babies. There’s certainly that element in our culture that dictates that men shouldn’t show too much emotion, so maybe that’s why men opt out of the “baby circles” when they converge. Now, point me in the direction of a group that’s discussing the latest cute thing that their cat or dog did, and I’m there in a flash!

The Elusive Gay Man / Straight Man Friendship

I’ve always had a lot of friends in my life, and I don’t consider someone’s sexuality to be the most important thing about that person. We do tend to gravitate toward other human beings for various reasons, and of course, sexuality and attraction play a part in that. It tends to be easy for gay men and straight women to be friends with each other and to form a natural connection. Is it because we’re both attracted to men? Is it because we can display feminine traits and appreciate that about each other? What seems to be less common is a strong friendship forged between a gay man and a straight man. I have quite a few straight, male friends in my life, but generally my closest friends are other gay men.

Recently I got to know a few of my partner Bernie’s coworkers a lot better while we were all on a company trip together. It was so much fun hanging out with them, and I didn’t feel shy about being gay or feel like I had to act a certain way to fit in with these guys. They are completely comfortable being around gay men. A lot of gay boys grow up feeling so different from other boys and being cautious about expressing their true selves. They worry about being teased or being seen as less masculine because of their sexuality. With my straight male friends, most of the time our differing sexuality is not an issue at all, and at other times, they express an interest in learning my perspectives. They don’t treat me in any kind of inferior way, and we even teasingly flirt with each other for fun. I never get the impression that they’re mocking me in any way. Thankfully our culture is getting more tolerant, despite many conservative lawmakers…but that’s a whole other topic!

Multitas... (sorry, had to answer the phone) ...king

Remember when multitasking used to mean listening to the radio while you did your homework? These days, people are multitasking all the time. First of all, we’re either talking or texting on our cell phones while doing just about everything else. At the office, you might listen to your iPod while working, sending emails, chatting with colleagues, and munching on a snack. On top of that, you probably have several documents, workspaces, webpages, etc. open on your computer at the same time. I’ve found that I’m developing a shorter and shorter attention span as I get older, simply because it doesn’t occur to me to focus on one task at a time anymore. There’s just so much to do and hardly enough time in the day to do it all!! Fortunately I usually do fairly well working on multiple jobs at the same time and somehow manage to complete them all without losing anything important in the shuffle. But sometimes I wonder why we feel the need to go charging through life with so many irons in the fire at the same time. Even when I’m reading a magazine or a newspaper for enjoyment, I have this habit where I read a couple of sentences into a particular paragraph, and then skip to the next paragraph like I’m skimming for the most important highlights. I recently discovered this idiosyncrasy, and now I’m noticing that I do it quite often, and I’m really not sure why. It makes me wonder if other people do the same thing. My favorite activities are simple times like when I’m on a bike ride, playing volleyball with friends, having a great conversation with friends over a lingering dinner and a bottle of wine, or hugging an appreciative cat or dog. It’s nice to de-clutter your mind once in a while and just focus on one thing at a time.